I attended the keynote speech from Mia Mingus for this weekends Femme’s of Color Symposium and this is a list I compiled pulled directly from MY experience listening to that speech, a performance piece, and crowd responses. You are under no obligation to agree or disagree with anything below as this is how I am defining my femmeness.
Do cry whenever you want
Don’t over analyze what that means to the point of exhaustion
Do wear as much or as little makeup as you’d like
Don’t worry to much when your mascara smears down your face from tears, sweat, work
Do put yourself in places where many people think you don’t fit
Don’t feel obligated to have to let everyone in to your personal space
Do give thanks and speak the names of those before you who have made your path that much more bearable
Don’t feel obligated to out do anyone’s legacy
Do acknowledge that “femme” was your mother’s, your mother’s mother, and your mother’s mother’s mother
Don’t forget that your femme is yours, now
Do create art
Don’t feel obligated to “color inside the lines”
Do enjoy every curve, roll, hair, mole, scar on your body
Don’t hide any those things because of fear
Do practice conscious breathing to the point of letting every part of your chest and belly and face and whole body puff up and hang
Don’t suck it in Don’t suck it in DONT SUCK IT IN!
Do embrace your ugly, your freak, your weird
Don’t ever let others use your ugly, your freak, your weird as weapons against you
Do fuck up the bullshit that is normal, beautiful, pretty
Don’t ever believe not being those terms by “traditional” standards makes you less than
Do connect with everything around you, your body, your family, your soul
Don’t feel obligated to explain your femme to anyone or to yourself
Do fuck/have sex “femme”
Don’t fuck/ have sex “femme”
Do ask yourself questions as often as possible
Don’t feel obligated to know or have all the answers
Do continue to add or take away from this list
Don’t assume that this list applies to anyone else but you
(Source: quelola)
